I am having trouble even getting this thought off the ground without using language that assumes away the point I want to make...

I was about to write: "Any time you plan to start something new..."

But, the default use of language in that sentence assumes "you plan to start".  This is the point I want to address.  

Many people do in fact plan to start.  In Myers-Briggs personality terms, I suspect this approach works for those people who tend towards the Sensing (rather than Intuition) and Judging (rather than Perceiving) ends of the spectrum.  A quick survey of google results indicates the following population distributions estimates:

70% Sensing / 30% Intuition
58% Judging / 42% Perceiving 

So it's no surprise that phrases like "plan to start" become idiomatic, given that they apply literally for a majority of the population.  

For the rest of us though, the conventional wisdom simply does not apply to the way we think.  I am finding it increasingly important to recognize these distinctions...to recognize the subtle indicators that a given bit of wisdom does not apply to my work process.

Working Backwards

Planning to start indicates a process of working forward.  You decide what you want to do and then you design a linear march from here to there.  My writing almost never works that way.  My writing process looks something like this:

  1. Several ideas spontaneously converge in an exciting way
  2. I sketch out several pages of implications
  3. I try to create an elegant model that intuitively captures the interplay between these ideas
  4. I begin writing in sentence/paragraph form
  5. I slam into a wall

That wall is a pang of realization...that I have no idea what I am doing.  I start asking myself questions like:

Why did I think this was interesting?  What is the point?  Why would anyone else care about the random collision of these thoughts in my head?

This is more than simple self-doubt.  They are questions that need to be answered in order for the final product to be worth reading, and generally I have not considered them up to this point in the process.  

Most of the advice out there (written by SJs) will tell me I am doing it all wrong.  I should start by determining what problem I want to solve, defining a target market, blah blah blah.  You have heard me bitch about this stuff before so I won't belabor the point.  The thing is, that advice would apply if slamming into the wall was the end of the process, or if I continued on without ever considering these questions.  But that isn't what happens...

The reality is that I work backwards.  The majority of the time - I hit that wall, step away from the screen, question myself, rephrase the questions from several different angles...and eventually I find that I had good reasons for thinking the inititial intuition was interesting and worthy of further elaboration.  I just wasn't consciously aware of those good reasons until I forced myself to explicate them.

Occasionally I end up where I was last week, feeling like I've gone down too many rabbit holes that failed to tie into relevant themes, but that is the exception that proves the rule.  If I tried to work forward I would quickly encounter impenetrable walls everywhere.  The good ideas simply don't reveal themselves when I have already decided where I want to go.